Fun Fridays/ SQL/ SQL-LIBS/ Syndicated

SQL LIBS #2: We Need You To…

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In this next installment of SQL LIBS I take you to earlier in my week when I received an email from a vendor, out of the blue, of course, who was apparently doing production-centric work without our knowledge on our web servers and associated SQL server that hosts their databases.  So nice to get something like this on a Monday, particularly after you’ve been out of the office since the following Monday and things are going sideways all around you.  Needless to say, we told them that (a) this type of work needs to be scheduled in advance (b) upgrades must be performed on a test/development environment first, before performing identical activities in production and (c) they did not have rights to the SQL Server so of course they should expect errors.

Taking a cue from Jen McCown (twitter|web) from MidnightDBA.com I am giving you the listing of required fields out-of-context first, so if you’re playing alone you can still have a bit of fun.  The events of this week lead me to call that autolibbing.

The disclaimer remain the same.  Enjoy.  Don’t forget to post back your results as comments in this post!

Names will be ommitted to protect my job the guilty and innocent alike.  As will company and product names, though one may be able to draw conclusions since bad software development seems to be prevalent in our line of work.

 

List of parameters in order:

  • Verb

  • Adjective ending in est

  • Adverb

  • Verb

  • Verb

  • Verb ending in ing

  • Verb

  • Noun

  • Verb

  • Verb past tense

  • Verb

  • Verb

  • Job Title

  • Verb ending in ing

  • Verb

  • Plural Noun

  • Acronym

  • Verb

  • Verb past tense

  • Verb ending in ing

  • Plural Noun

  • Plural Noun

  • Verb

  • Adverb

  • Noun

  • Verb

  • Verb

  • Verb

  • Closing Salutation

  • Name of Obnoxious Media Personality (or incurable disease – one and the same IMHO.  I personally would opt for Glenn Beck.)

SQL-LIBS #2:  We Need You To…

We are in the process of trying to (     verb     ) our application to the (     adjective ending in est ) version of the product.  (        Adverb        ) we can’t get the portion of our upgrade that (        verb        ) the new database to (        verb        ).  We’re (        verb ending in ing        ) errors, but are not quite sure what they mean.  We (        verb        ) that there may be a (        noun        ) with your SQL Server and need you to(        verb        ) it for us ASAP.  We’ve already (        verb past-tense        ) the web servers and the users will not be able to (        verb        ) the software until you (        verb        ) this issue.  We’ve tried to contact the (             job title             ) but they are not (        verb endinig in ing        ) our emails or phone calls.  Furthermore, we are unable to (        verb        ) the existing database (        plural noun        ) so can you make sure we have (        acronym        ) rights in SQL Server?  If we do not have (        same acronym        ) rights please (        verb        ) them to us so we can get this issue (        verb past tense       ) for the users.  This application is responsible for (        verb ending in ing       ) (        plural noun        ) for (        plural noun        )and without the database (        verb        ) completing (        adverb        ) your (        noun        ) will not be able to (        verb        ).  In the future please ensure we have the ability to (        verb        ) your SQL Server so this does not (        verb        ) again.

(        closing salutation        ),

(name of obnoxious media personality).

SMALL PRINT:
Grammatical errors were directly from the original email.  This is a work of parody; fiction perhaps if it alleviates me from any threats of litigation.  Offer void in West Virginia and Texas.  Must be this tall to ride this attraction.  1 cup tequila, 1/4 triple-sec, 1 can limeade, 1 Corona.  Salt rim, pour over ice.  See, sometimes when you read the small print you do get something out of it.  In this case a great recipe for beergaritas.  Perfect for a cold Winter day, right?  OK maybe you don't get anything of value.  Speaking about values can I perhaps interest you in a slightly used air hockey table?  What was I thinking when I bought that?  Really, how often do you play air hockey?  You know what you really do with an air hockey table?  Use it to put boxes on.  Really, it's just a floor, but at waist level.  But I'm doing a lousy job of selling it aren't I?  I should say what a great family investment it is!  Hours of fun trying to shoot a red puck at your loved ones.  Great place for your cat to sleep on too (so they think.)  Really fun to turn on the air when he is sleeping on it.  Now there is enjoyment that never gets old!  Anyway, if you're interested let me know!  So conclude's the small print for this week.