Top 10 Things I Learned Last Week: Week of 4/25/2010

  1. Paul Randal identified an issue in the SQL Server Missing Index DMVs (pre-SQL 2008R2) wherein they will, under the right wrong circumstances, recommend indexes that do already exist.  This means that either missing is a subjective term or there is a bug in SQL Server 2005 and 2008. 
  2. With the right people involved a great idea can go from spitballing email to fruition in a week.  See #4.
  3. Stephen Hawking is fearful of aliens.  If Stephen F***ing Hawking is afraid of aliens then I’m pretty sure we’re screwed if they ever show up.  Well most of us.  Will Smith has never met a species whose ass he could not kick.   Bret Michaels will attempt to round up a dozen of their females for the offhand chance that he can have sex with each of them – even from his hospital bed. 
  4. I learned that I’ll be attending and hopefully speaking at SQL Saturday #40 South Florida (Fort Lauderdale) on July 31, 2010; two days before heading out on SQLCruise
  5. I attended a Pragmatic Works-sponsored webcast on using SSRS and SSIS to create a SQL Server Metadata Repository.  The presenter, Rodney Landrum, did a fine job as always.  This is a subject he knows well.  He’s written two articles to date for SQL Server Magazine on the topic.  Personally I’ve used a modded version of his solution for over three years having converted what I had developed.  It saves my bacon on a daily basis.  There is no way I’d be able to manage the numbers of databases and instances I do without this valuable tool.  I learned that the next official release of his solution includes among other things: consolidated error logging, support for SQL Server 2008, and
  6. #Boobquake took place on 4/26/2010.  Now known as Christmas2 in the Ford household.  This confirmed you could pretty much include the word boob in anything and motivate the world to work together as one.  It’s just like that Coca-Cola song from the early 1970’s.  You know the “I’d like to teach the world to sing…” one?  That makes boobs the new Coke.  Which would have totally gone over big instead of that high-fructose corn syrup shit they tried to surprise us with back in 1985. Universal Healthcare?  Hell no.  Universal Boobcare?  I’ll take two please!  With the exception of Larry Craig, Barbara Boxer, and Barney Frank that bill would have sailed through both chambers of Congress with no fillibustering whatsoever.  Boobs of mass destruction?  Those must be contained immediately!  They definitely would not be able to be hidden well either.  Where was I?
  7. I learned that there is a new employee in our Web Support Team named Shakka.  How fuSHUT YO’ MOUTH… cool is that?  I thought the kid that played tennis with my son, Samaurai Jefferson Jackson, was slick but could you imagine how cool it would be if you had the name Shakka Samaurai Jackson?  You’re aura would be made of titaniaum, draped with thick-cut hickory-smoked bacon, bedazzled with solid gold and glowing like a neon sign in front of a Thai massage parlour.  Hugh Heffner (circa 1971) would want to be your wing man.  Tiger Woods would be your caddy (but secretly also your other wing man.)  I suspect that Buck Woody’s (web|twitter) original name may have been Shakka Samaurai Woody.  It is the only possible name that beats the codpiece off of Shakka Samaurai Jackson. 
  8. I learned that you can get the same multiple-server query functionality you get from Central Management Servers in SQL Server Management Studio by simply using your Local Server Groups in the same Registered Servers window.  Follow the same process as you would in a CMS Server Group: right-click on group, select new query, then proceed with salting your new query window with your SQL nuggs of excellence.  How did I miss that?  Goes to proove that you can use a tool for 13 hours a day since 2005 and still find new things about it at every turn.  More hidden SQL Server Booty!
  9. I learned that when Database Weekly points to your blog it dramatically drives up readership.  Hell, the blog may even need to start wearing pants with all these visitors showing up….. nah.
  10. Finally, I learned that I’d be getting my edits back on the DMV book this week.  It was nice to also hear that we can clean out some of the more general content and include more scripts.  I can’t wait.  I’ve learned and came up with so much more cool scripts since I turned in my first draft that I had wished was going in the book.  Thanks to Tony Davis, my Editor at Red Gate and Glenn Berry (web|twitter) for the technical edits.  Thanks also to my co-author, Louis Davidson (web|twitter).  We’re getting close!  Hope to have copies to give as swag for SQLCruise in August!