SQL Saturday #31 Chicago

As always seems to be the case I’m still changing up my newest presentation right up until the last minute.  Yes, tomorrow I’ll be delivering two presentations here in Elk Grove, IL – where apparently the 1970’s never came to an end according to the bar I’m sitting in now surrounded by Teamsters and locals of a “certain age”.  What do you call a cougar way past her years of prowling who has not seemed to give up on the attempt and the penchant for homemade tattoos?  But I digress, this is about the presentations I’ll be giving tomorrow, not the bleached harpy drowning her 5 remaining teeth in Milwaukee’s Best while attempting to keep her chest from dragging through her tacho appetizer…

The first presentation for tomorrow is Indexing DMVs session I’ve done at both SQL Saturday Boston in January and SQL Saturday Charlotte last month.  Painful memories for me since the last time I delivered the presentation I was suffering through a sinus infection that I think was partially caused by some form of Khanish brain worm ala’ Star Trek 2.  This session covers sys.dm_db_index_physical_stats, sys.dm_db_index_usage_stats, and sys.dm_db_missing_index… Dynamic Management Views and Functions.  The presentation remains unchanged and the files are available here on thesqlagentman.com in the Presentation Files page.  Please note though that the SQLSaturday.com website lists it under a different presentation name.  Be assured that this is the session I’m doing, and it’s the first slot of the day.

The second presentation that I’m doing kicks off at 1:00pm, right after lunch, so I’ll have to do my best to make it high-energy!  If you do have aversion to loud colors, bad fonts, the 1970’s, and child actors this is not the session for you.  It’s also not the session for you if you’ve worked with SQL for any length of time – this is a purely introductory session on what SQL Server is called “When I Grow Up I Want To Be A DBA”.  I’ve struggled with the name for the session – it really is unlike any technical session I’ve ever given or seen (except for all the bullet points.)  I cover what skills and traits are required for a good DBA as well as basic terminology (tables, indexes, columns, rows, keys, constraints, etc.) I also talk about security, SQL Server Management Studio, and help resources available: all with a Saturday Morning Cartoon 1970’s flair with a mix of Dr. Seuss, Brady Bunch and Gilligan’s Island to boot.  Like I said – it’s unlike any SQL presentation you’ve ever seen.  Unfortunately I open it up and keep on tweeking it so none of my rehersals are going to represent the final product I’m sure – come and watch the steaming heap of potential fail pudding at 1:00!

For the record other names I rejected:

  • Schoolhouse Rock of DBA Love
  • I Would Not Could Not With A DBA
  • Keep Your Hands Off Mary Ann’s Coconuts
  • De-Fraggle Rock
  • SA-me Street

Just one of the slides you'll be exposed to

Yeah, I had fun with this one…  If it goes well I plan on doing a Backup/Recovery presentation in a similar style.  We’ll see how it goes.  This is perfect for the SQL N00B Crew!