SQL N00B Crew Kickoff – Oh The Places You’ll Doh!

Inspiration leads to perspiration.

I’m developing my first presentation as part of my initiative to train those just entering the enticing world of SQL Server database administration.  I’m having difficulties maintaining the priciples of KISS (Keep It Simple Stoopid) in that I want to cram so much into the presentation that I’m defeating the purpose of the SQL NOOB Crew initiative.  I’m simply going to need to divide this presentation into 3 halves and pick / choose which one to present in Chicago at SQL Saturday #31

So far this is the outline I’ve worked-up, though I’m not including some sub-bullets as they are still undetermined:

  • What is a DBA? – “Ten Apples Up on Top”
  • Security – “If I Ran The Zoo, er, Datacenter”
    • AD/Trusted v. SQL –Best Practices
  • Terminology
    • Objects: tables, views, columns, rows, indexes, constraints, keys – “Noun is a Person, Place, or Thing”
    • Activity: connections, sessions, requests, transactions, spids, queries –  “Verb! That’s What’s Happening.”
  •  SSMS – “And to Think That I Saw It in Management Studio”
    • Registering Servers
    • The Object Explorer
    • The Query Window
    • Template Explorer
    • Solution Explorer and Projects
  • T/SQL
    • Clauses – “Interjections!”
    • Cheating is Acceptable – “On A Very Special Episode of Hong Kong Phooey…”
  • Pitfalls To Avoid – “Don’t Touch Bobby Brady’s Tiki if He Asks You To!”
    • Shrinking a database
    • Cursors, except for special circumstances
    • Indexes: too many/not enough/not the right ones
    • Who needs (referential) integrity
  • Help resources – “Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, Get Your #SQLHelp Here!”