Last week I started riffing a bit after viewing a Penny Arcade strip that fired a warning shot over the bow of Courtney Love. That strip led to three memes on Twitter and beyond: #sqlservereditions and the blog post by Brent Ozar in regards to funny little asides on Fake SQL Server Editions/Versions, and the Rockband version of our old favorite Dead Rockstars game here on my site.
In trying to keep up with a post-a-day mandate I’ve set for myself this week I thought I’d take a few minutes to perhaps meld the two together.
SQL Server Geddy Lee Edition – It’s not pretty, but it’s got the chops
SQL Server Lemmy Edition – Holy Shit! What is that thing growing out of the side of the cluster?!?
SQL Server Def Leppard Edition – Only compatible with RAID 0 +1, spell check is disabled
SQL Server Ozzy Edition – The underlying code structure of Oz/SQL makes no sense whatsoever, yet somehow it still runs.
SQL Server Amy Winehouse – Runs on Jet. (Yes, I have no clue how it would do that either.)
SQL Server Led Zeppelin Edition – Hobts everywhere you look.
SQL Server Whitesnake Edition – Like SQL Server Led Zeppelin, but less poweful, more cheesy, and no Hobts. Comes with a real nice, but dated hood ornament.
SQL Server Tempations Edition – so highly redundant that it still operates even after all the original components have been replaced
SQL Server Blues Traveler Edition – shrinks and autogrows are handled seamlessly.
SQL Server Elvis Edition – does not scale out well. Dumps are not graceful.
SQL Server Luther Vandross Edition – Like the Blues Traveler Edition, but you are only permitted so many log autogrow cycles before the instance dies.
SQL Server Ted Nugent Edition – Kills spids dead. Then guts and eats them.
SQL Server Brian Wilson Edition – not mobile
SQL Server Spinal Tap Edition – gets lost in it’s own data center. Scales to 11.
SQL Server ABBA Edition – You make jokes about those using it, but secretly you’ve done some development work on it when no one is looking.
SQL Server Bob Marley Edition – The only “Green” SQL Edition released to date.
SQL Server Mariah Carey Edition – Augmented and screechy. What is it doing to the make the drives squeel like that?
SQL Server Milli Vanilli Edition – Is actually Microsoft Access
SQL Server Keith Richards Edition – So powerful it can be loaded on a server, dropped from a tree and still run.
SQL Server Sheryl Crow Edition – Can only be managed by DBAs with 1 testicle.
SQL Server Axl Rose Edition – Not compatible with any O/S.
SQL Server David Hasselhoff Edition – Is big in Germany
SQL Server Justin Timberlake Edition – You won’t believe what else is included in its box.
You may now return to the serious things in your life; and yes, those are 3 minutes you’ll never get back.