Editor’s note: when I started this post it was supposed to be a coming-out event. A “Hey! I’m Back! Let’s get back to spreading some technical ju-ju!” However, after the first sentence that all went to Hell. I’m finding the more I write, the less control that planning has in what I write. I don’t know what to make out of that – good or bad – but should make for an interesting case study in 2012. Hopefully, I can get back to my goal here at thesqlagentman.com – to provide technical information in a humorous and (usually sarcastic and self-deprecating manner). However, this time around it looks like we have another non-technical post on our hands here.
Lately my family and I’ve been reflecting on what 2011 has been like so far. We’re starting to find holes in our collective memory – and that’s not a bad thing. The stress, long days, short nights, and emotional fluctuations have started to wear away at the details of the last (almost) two month’s events in the saga that has been Trevor’s health.
There is no need to explain to you all here why we feel this way. February was not kind to us and March was just a bit better to some of us so far. We have yet to throw down the bravado and claim we beat whatever took Trevor down initially out of some sort of superstitious fear that the minute we do the “pain” will come back and we will find ourselves not just at Square One, but at Square One – N(N being all the effort Trevor has to put forth to recover to baseline before we could even begin to reorganize and go at this again.) He tires easily, he has an appetite and is puting on weight, but then a bad meal choice trips him up. He’s been back in school for full days so far this week, but this morning, as I head out to Chicago for SQL Saturday 67, he appears to be 50/50.
I ran across a photo of him from when we were in the hospital and celebrating our of our “Victories”. It’s a shot of Trevor sitting up in a chair and giving a thumbs-up to the camera. He looks like Hell. At the time we thought it was the most beautiful sight in the world. Time changes one’s perceptions.
So, things are getting better. On the outside everything appears to look fine: we’re home, he’s returning to baseline, you may catch him playing outside or eating a big meal. What’s frustrating is that under that still lays the uncertainty of the initial issues that brought us to this point.
We’ve moved from being taken out of the equation in February to sleepwalking through March. I really wish I was able to put forth more effort into the things I’m involved in and the responsibilities I have, but right now this Dude is on Autopilot.